I say a good friend and that was he was to me. we were cool and hung out lots but never really shown each other our bare souls, though from what i knew of him, he had a beautiful one. he was always upbeat and lighten up the room in mood and in his glowing illuminating aura. this was one of the best qualities i knew of him and he utilized it well. when the mood was getting too heavy or was becoming stale, he would be the first to turn it around again.
he had a great smile. was a good looking guy, no homo, tho id never say it to his face haha. he was a great guitarist and i enjoyed playing with him at the wedding. its one of the few memories of him when i felt that i wasnt just a friend through a mutual contact, but a real friend.
its been a while since hes passed and i dunno if im digesting it in a healthy way. there are times when i talk of him with a smile, as if he was still here, and id feel as if i got passed it too quickly. its such a shame....he had a bright future ahead of him. he was very smart on every subject he studied, even subjects he didnt have to study. as with most other regrets, the heart of mine is "I should have spent my time wiser." which is to also say, appreciate whatever it is we have, be it a penny or a benjamin.
im not really sure how everyone is still feeling about him, or rather, how they are handling it. im most concerned of Sinead, not because i was closest to her of this circle and not only because she was tonys girl at the time, but because she's been reaching out to me for some time. i dont know what to make of it. is she looking for company? comfort? or is looking for something to remind her of tony, namely, his friends. i think the best way to react to this is to definitely see her, and be a shoulder for her if she needs it. but if she wants something more, i wouldnt know how to handle it. Knowing me, usually if its that easy, i would (at times, hesitantly) take the opportunity. but the roots of this situation run too deep and i respect her and tony way to much to do that. but i also dont want to deny her and hurt her even more, or worse, make her feel like she's the one in the wrong.
i always did think she was cute, in looks as well as personality: quirky, silly, happy, just like tony. and i also gave her the scarf from saudi, tho i originally meant it for tony. maybe because of that she feels comfortable around me. but i never had the intention to have anything more than that with her.
tony, i love you man and i would never try and do wrong by you, but what would you want me to do?
